rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
