I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
