allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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