so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
