Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
