I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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