Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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