sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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