You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
