plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize