I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize