dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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