Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
