Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
ttyl tear gas
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
