I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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