So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
