i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
