Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
