Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
