You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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