Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
