so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
