i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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