Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
