dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize