drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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