are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
