Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
