How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
