No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
