I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
