I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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