What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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