but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Less talking, more tequila
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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