Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
there's paper in my vomit.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
