I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize