i just had sex bonerless
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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