can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
