conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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