people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
