You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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