Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
