You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
