so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize