it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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