So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
