Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
