my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
