im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
