i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
