So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
