I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
