I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
