Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
