Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize