frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He did a backflip because drugs
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
