i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize