I think my vagina is haunted
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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