At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
