my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize