I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
did i walk over a car last night?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
