Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
