So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
