I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
