Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
