so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
