Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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