we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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