What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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