I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
