Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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