wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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