he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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