I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he was CRYING into my vagina
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
